Wedding Day Blues
by bluerain1984
Summary: (IYxYGO, loosely related to my 'Chaos Series'; oneshot) No! It can't be! A wedding! The comic mishaps abound in 'Wedding Day Blues'


Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-yasha or Yu-Gi-Oh. Me and my brother thought this would be a funny story. Loosely connected with my 'Chaos Series'. The main idea is based on an episode of 'Just Shoot Me', which we also don't own. Enjoy!  
  
Wedding Day Blues.  
  
"What?!?! Married!?!?!" they all cried. Joey stood before them, dejected and forlorn. The whole crew had assembled at the Sunset Shrine.  
  
"That's right," he sobbed, "My little sister ran off with Kaiba to get married! What did I do to deserve this!?!" he cried out in despair.  
  
"Well," Tristan said, counting on his fingers, "You ran with that street gang for a while, you shook down kids for their lunch money, stole Yugi's puzzle piece, and you looked up Tea's skirt in gym class."  
  
"Oh!" Tea shrieked, crossing her legs.  
  
"Thanks a lot, man," Joey mumbled.  
  
"Always here to help, "Tristan said oblivious to sarcasm.  
  
"The question remains," Miroku said, "what are you going to do?"  
  
"I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do," Joey said, rolling up his sleeves, "I'm gonna go and stop them!"   
  
"Hold on, Joey." Yugi said. "You can't go searching the country side all by yourself. You'll need help and money."  
  
"I've still got plenty of money left over from that tournament that I fought against Inu-yasha. It'll take a lot but I'd spend it all to stop my little sister from making the biggest mistake of her life." Joey declared.  
  
"Then I guess that settles it." Yugi stated.  
  
"Oh no." Inu-yasha whimpered.  
  
"Guys, we're going to help track them down" Yugib declared, rising and pointing to the sky.  
  
"And just where are we supposed to look?" Inu-yasha demanded to know. "They could be anywhere."  
  
"That's true." Joey said. "I never thought about that. What are we gonna do Yugi?" He asked looking to his friend.  
  
"Why are you asking me, I don't have a plan."  
  
"I think I might know." Came a meager voice from behind. They all turned around to find Mokuba Kaiba standing with a news paper in his hands.  
  
"Mokuba, what are you doing here?" Tea asked him.  
  
"I'm here to help. My brother is making a big mistake, no offense, Joey."  
  
"None taken." He said.  
  
"Setto had me file paperwork a few days ago for him and Serenity to get married at a shrine here in Tokyo see." He said holding up the section of news paper he'd been holding. The headline read. "CULT LEADER PREFORMS MASS WEDDINGS."  
  
"What!" Joey grabbed up the article and read over it. "He's taking my baby sister to some slimy cult leader to get married. That's not only cheap, that's insulting. She deserves a wedding with some flair."   
  
"Gee, Joey, I thought you were against them getting married," Kagome said, covering a smile.  
  
"I am, but my sister deserves better than that!" Joey said.   
  
"So where is this place, Mokuba?" Tristan asked.  
  
"I think it's somewhere in the cult's compound. I think it's right across from the down town police station," the boy said.  
  
"You're kidding, right?" Kagome asked. "A fifty acre compound of people who believe that the space ship is coming to take us home, is right across from the police station?"  
  
"Yup. Sure is," Mokuba said. "come on, my limo is parked right down here," Mokuba said, running to the stairs "If we hurry, we might be able to get there in time to stop them." Everyone ran as fast as they could down the steps of the shrine to the waiting limo below. They climbed in and took off down the highway.  
  
"Now see, isn't this better than some silly mass wedding?" Serenity asked Seto Kaiba as she straightened his tie in front of the New Millennium Church of Tokyo.  
  
"To tell you the truth, I only suggested it because it was quicker than having a long drawn out ceremony." He told her angrily. "Let's just hurry this up. We've got reservations for the first flight of the afternoon to the States."  
  
"Oh, it's going to be so wonderful." Serenity said. "A quick wedding then a honeymoon in the States. I can't wait. How do I look?" She asked him. She was wearing a white silk dress made for a much taller person, with bare shoulders, and a deep neck line.  
  
"Like an angel." Seto told her then walked with her into the chapel.  
  
Meanwhile, Yugi and the others were at the Cult's compound, searching building after building for Serenity and Seto Kaiba.  
  
"Let's split up." Yugi said rushing about the compound. He and Tea went one way, Joey, Mai, Songo, and Miroku went another, while Kagome, Inu-yasha, and Mokuba went to look in the administration office.  
  
"I can't find them anywhere." Mokuba said.  
  
"Neither can we." Tea told him when they met back up. "Maybe the others had more luck. Where are Joey and the others?"  
  
"Hey, it's over here! I found the wedding ceremony." Mai exclaimed, running towards the sanctuary. She, Joey, Songo, and Miroku ran inside only to be stopped by a man dressed in a dark robe.  
  
"And where might you be going?" He asked them.  
  
"We've gotta get in here." Joey told him.  
  
"I'm sorry," The man said, "but you can't enter this holy place without first signing your names to this registry."  
  
"Alright already!" Joey said taking the pen. He signed his name, then handed it off to Mai who signed her's then Songo and Miroku did likewise. "Now can we go?"  
  
"Go right inside, the ceremony is about to begin." The man said. They rushed in and found dozens of people all crowded together in behind a rope line with a 'Minister' dressed in a sequined jumpsuit and matching cape standing on the other side.  
  
"Take hands my children, and we shall proceed." He told the crowd in a goofy Elvis impersonation.  
  
"Take my hand, Joey." Mai said, "These people are scaring me."  
  
"Don't worry." He told her. "I'm here. We'd better hurry up, before my sister gets' hitched to that punk Kaiba."  
  
They were packed into that little room like a can of sardines. So it was only natural for Miroku to attempt to cop of a feel of Songo's butt.  
  
"And what do you think you're doing?" She said, grabbing his hand  
  
"I'm so sorry." He said, "I just thought that…"  
  
"You thought that you'd help yourself, didn't you? You pig, we're supposed to be helping Joey find his sister!" She told him. Just then every woman in the room threw up her veil and kissed their new husbands as the Minister said. "With the power vested in me, I know pronounce y'all husbands and wives, uh-huh. You can now each kiss your hunk o' burnin love."  
  
"Did we just…" Mai said, looking down at hers and Joey's hands.  
  
'I think we did." He told her. They looked back at Songo and Miroku who's hands were also joined. "OH NO!" They all exclaimed. "We're married!"  
  
Later as they were riding home in Mokuba's limo, the others were horrified to learn of the misadventures of their four friends.  
  
"I can't believe you guys got married," Inu-yasha said, disgusted.  
  
"Apparently," Mai said, "What we signed on the way in were our," she gulped, "Marriage licenses…They gave us copies on our way out!" she cried, bursting into tears.  
  
"What's your problem?" Joey said, "I don't like this either, but I ain't cryin."   
  
"You don't get it!" Mai screamed. "My life is over! And this was NOT the wedding I pictured for us, you imbecile!"  
  
"The wine was pretty good," Miroku said. "And I must confess, I had thought about asking…"  
  
"I would never knowingly marry a pig like you!" Songo said. "But it has happened. I only hope my ancestors aren't either ashamed or laughing at me for this."  
  
"But now I have hope that the curse will be lifted one day!" Miroku said with jubilation, "For now, my dear Songo, you can-" But before he could finish his sentence, she slapped him hard across the face.  
  
"I will not!!" she shouted.  
  
"As my wife it is your sacred duty!" He argued. "What would your ancestors say if they knew that you had married a man whom you had no intention of being with. The way that I see it, you have no choice." Songo was in no mood to argue any further. Miroku was right. By the customs of their time, she had no choice, but to… She couldn't even think it. It was too terrible.  
  
"Maybe there's a way out this." Tea said, thinking hard.  
  
"When my folks split up they talked to a Lawyer. We could go get a divorce." Joey suggested.  
  
"Now you're talking." Mai said "But what about your little sister?"  
  
"She's probably already married to that creep. No offence, Mokuba."   
  
"None taken Joey, I suppose that we're family now anyway." He sighed. "Maybe it won't be so bad having your for a brother-in-law after all."   
  
"Yeah, my only regret is that I wasn't there to give my little sister away anyway." Joey admitted, "It would have been nice, even if I couldn't talk her out of it, to see her get hitched."  
  
"Well, why not!" Tea said cheerfully. "Guys, Serenity is going to need people on hers and Kaiba's side. Let's be there for them and show them that we support them." Yugi agreed. They all crowded around one another and nodded to one another, then suddenly, the limo stopped and the door opened. Before either of them knew what was going on, Tea and Yugi were tossed out of the limo and left on the side of the road, stunned, and confused as to what had just happened.  
  
"Well, now that that's dealt with, I gotta figure out what to do about my little sister and Kaiba." Joey said. When they returned to the shrine, there was another white Kaiba Corp limo parked at the base of the steps. They concluded that it could only mean one thing. The happy couple had come to gloat about their big day.   
  
"What do you mean you didn't get married!?!?!" Joey screamed. "You put us through all this for nothing?!?"  
  
"I just came to the conclusion that I have too much to do before I get tied down," Kaiba said.   
  
"He chickened out," Serenity said disappointed. She got up from her chair and picked up the hem of her gown, saying, "And this was a designer gown, too! Kagome, can I change in your room?"  
  
"Sure," Kagome said, leading her upstairs. "You can borrow one of my outfits."  
  
"I wish to go home to our time," Songo said, getting up. "We must consult Lady Keade in this matter."  
  
"We'll wait for Kagome." Inu-yasha said. "She's gonna have to explain everything, because to be honest, even I still don't know what happened."  
  
"Now, let me try to understand," the priestess Keade said as she sat infront of the four youths. "You went to a 'massive' wedding ceremony, to stop your friend's sister from getting married? Then, by sheer accident, you were married yourselves by a man dressed as a dead king?"  
  
"Yes, Lady Keade," Songo said, bowing low in shame.  
  
"Were ye inebriated or be ye half wits after all?"  
  
"Lady Keade, isn't there anything you can do?" Songo begged.  
  
"By our custom, such a gathering would be unheard of and sacrilege. But ye were in a strange and foreign time. And Kagome, if they be truly married by your people's laws and customs, then they too are bound by ours."  
  
"NO!!!!" Songo wailed, hugging Kagome.  
  
"Yes!" Miroku cheered.   
  
"But he's a monk!" Inu-yasha objected. "He can't get married!"  
  
"Such a thing is not unheard of for those who are retired," Keade said, preparing some special tea for Songo.   
  
"And I have been trying to break that vow since I passed my thirteenth winter," Miroku said, smiling.  
  
"Well, if we must be married," Songo said, wiping her tears. "I will endeavor to be a…" she gulped, "faithful and devoted wife."  
  
"Alright then," Miroku said, blushing and grinning from ear to ear, "First on the agenda-"  
  
"But you must be a respectful husband!" Songo said forcefully. "First, I want our own hut."  
  
"What?"  
  
"We've shared this one with Inu-yasha, Kagome, and Shippo because it is near the well and near Lady Keade's home. If we are to be a proper husband and wife, we need our own home."  
  
"But that will take days!" Miroku said.   
  
"It's only proper," she said.   
  
"Yes dear," Miroku said, picking up a hammer and saw.  
  
Meanwhile, in the present, Mai and Joey were seated in the office of Seto Kaiba's private attorney. He was looking over their license, scrutinizing every word.  
  
"It's all legally binding as far as I can tell," he said. "The only thing I can do for you is to begin filing for divorce, which will take a year. It's tradition for the courts to allow a one year grace period in case you want to reconcile your differences."  
  
"There's nothing to reconcile!" Joey said, getting up and shaking his fist, "We never had a fight!"  
  
"This is all just a huge, horrible misunderstanding," Mai said. "We didn't know we were getting married!"  
  
"Then you shouldn't have signed your license," the lawyer said.   
  
"Kaiba, where'd you get this guy?" Joey demanded. "He's an idiot."  
  
"Don't worry," Kaiba said, "He'll figure out a way to annul the marriage. Won't you?" he asked the lawyer, giving him a cold stare.  
  
"Y…Yes Mr. Kaiba," the lawyer stuttered. "Right away!" he cried, quickly gathering his papers and running off to a side exit.  
  
By night time, they were out of options. Joey and Mai finally had to accept the fact that they were married. "This isn't exactly the story I wanted to tell my kids someday," Joey mumbled as he sat on Kagome's couch, watching TV.   
  
"Kids?" Mai exclaimed. "If you think I'm gonna ruin my figure-!"  
  
"I don't mean that!" Joey said. "I just meant, it wasn't the kind of thing anyone wants their kids and grand kids to hear about. I mean think about, Mai. Do you want to tell your kids that you got married in a cult by a weirdo dressed of The King of Rock and Roll?"   
  
"No," Mai admitted. "I wanted to tell them that I married someone I really loved in a huge white church, with doves released into the sky, and a seven tier wedding cake, decorated with real roses."  
  
"Oh, yeah, weddin cake," Joey said, dreamily, "Now you're talkin!"  
  
"Do you always think with your stomach?" she asked him, annoyed.  
  
"No…It's the only other part of me that works." he replied. Just then, Kagome walked into the house, returning from the well.   
  
"Don't you guys have your own home to go to?" Kagome asked, going up the stairs.  
  
"A home.." Mai said.  
  
"Of our own?" Joey said. They looked at each other and blushed.  
  
"Not MY place!" Mai yelled.  
  
"Yeah, my old man's probably not gonna be too thrilled about you either." Joey said. "I can see it now; Hey Dad, meet the wife!"  
  
"I can picture it too," Mai said. Then, she deepened her voice and said mockingly, "Duh, she got a sistah?" And they both started laughing. "Maybe this won't be so bad," Mai said as their laughter died down. "You are kind of cute."  
  
"Ditto," Joey replied. "I mean, it's not totally outrageous. We probably would have ended up together anyway. This just means we'll have a few extra years together. And on our 57th anniversary, I'll give ya that dream weddin you wanted."  
  
"With the cake?" she asked, giggling.  
  
"If I don't eat it first," Joey said, kidding.   
  
But just then, Yugi and Tea came running in to the house. "Quick guys!" Yugi called, "You gotta turn the TV to channel 5!"  
  
They did as they were told. They saw a news anchor broadcasting live from the police station across the street from the cult's compound.   
  
"Once again, 50 members of the Blue Suede Cult have been arrested in connection to a bogus mass wedding ceremony designed to scam hundreds of other members out of money and possessions. Among those arrested was the cult's leader, Rev. George Alabaster, a.k.a 'The Right Rev, Hound Dog'. When asked for a comment, he said the overlords commanded him to do it."  
  
"Hey, that's the guy that married us!" Joey said. "What's that mean?"  
  
"It means, you guys aren't married!" Yugi said happily. "It was all a scam!"  
  
"Did I hear you guys right?" Kagome asked from the stairs.   
  
"You sure did!" Tea called up to her.  
  
"Songo and Miroku!" Kagome gasped as she rushed down the stairs and outside. The others followed and jumped in the well with her. Every last one of them!  
  
"I only hope we're not too late!" Kagome said when they climbed out the other side. Inu-yasha jumped down from nowhere.  
  
"What are you all doing here?" he asked.  
  
"We came to stop Songo and Miroku from making a terrible mistake!" Kagome cried.  
  
"Well, you're too late," the han-you said. "They've been pretty noisy for a while. I've been hearing Songo screaming from inside the hut all evening."  
  
"That pig!" Kagome cried, running on to the village.   
  
"Dang," Joey and Yugi said together. They rushed to the village just in time to see Miroku flying backwards out of the hut. Songo came outside a minute later, jerking on her kimono, and shouting.   
  
"I couldn't do it!" she cried. "I just couldn't bring myself to do it! Oh Ancestors!" she screamed, falling on her knees, "Forgive me! I'm a horrible wife!"   
  
"You're not a wife at all!" Kagome said, hugging her. "That guy who did the ceremony was arrested."  
  
"It was all a fake," Yugi said. "You're not married."  
  
"Oh," Songo said, weeping more from the joy, "My ancestors have smiled on me! Thank Buddha!"  
  
"I have disgraced my fathers," Miroku wept. "Will this humiliation never end?"  
  
"So," Keade said when they all got in her hut, "People who commit fraudulent acts of marriage are carried away to a 'pokie'?"   
  
"That's about the size of it," Joey explained.  
  
"A very strange land you live in, indeed," the old woman muttered. "I believe I need some tea."  
  
"So, Inu-yasha," Kagome said, "With all this marriage talk, has it got you thinking?"  
  
"Yeah," he said, turning away, "That it's stupid."  
  
Kagome's face went red with rage. Then, she yelled, "SIT!!!"  
  
The End   
  
AN: Review, please! 


End file.
